TT
It was February 1st, 2016. I remember that night so vividly. It was very brisk and cool. I was out at dinner with my best friend celebrating her sixteenth birthday. We were planning on having a sleepover that night, when my mum called. Her voice was.. wary and fragile- so wary and fragile that I thought it was going to break into a million shards. I was concerned, but nobody really told me what was happening so I was still quite naive. I never knew that once you were admitted to ARCH that you didn’t get to leave. I never knew that once you got there that was the final stage. Two days ago, when your bright hopeful eyes scanned our little family, I never knew it would be the last time. All my selfish brain could dwell onwas the stupid sleepover I was missing. But what I didn’t realize was this was the last sleep you would ever have Buddy. When I returned home and wandered into the house the atmosphere felt wistful. Mum told me that I should just head to bed and not worry and that the adults would deal with the situation. But that night I’ve never seen two adults look more childish and innocent as they clung to each other with tears strung down their warm cheeks like a set of pearls.
Gently, I pulled my warm blankets off my body as I was then exposed to the chilly interior of my home. My bare toes clamped around the soft carpet as I peeked into my brother’s room across from mine. His eyes were shut very softly and his breathing was paced. My toes moved onto the cold wood flooring as I heard my mum and dad echoing delicately in the kitchen. Their words were just loud enough to wake me. Or were they? Sometimes I don’t think so. I think I just knew to wake up because I knew what was happening. I remember the look Mum and Dad gave me as Dad began to slid on his heavy winter coat over his broad shoulders. Mum rubbed her arm with her long bony fingers and looked down, refusing to make eye contact with me. I asked my dad if I could go with him; I knew where he was going. At first, my mum said yes. But then I changed my mind. Maybe it was selfish, maybe it wasn’t? I think I didn’t want to see you in that stage. I don’t think my young flimsy heart could handle that. In that moment, the three of us enveloped one another in the type of hug I’ve never felt before. It was almost like I could feel you there hugging us too TT. We knew you were moving on that night, and that you were going to feel so free. I went back to bed.